Forgiveness is a Gift You Give Yourself!

“To err is human; to forgive, divine” — Alexander Pope

The last two blogs were on self-compassion. This blog article is not any different because the practice of forgiveness WILL always require self-compassion.

We often think forgiveness is for the other person. The truth is forgiveness is for ourselves. I would go as far as to say, if you fail to forgive others, it is because you fail to forgive yourself. That’s because we all have a responsibility to assume in every transgression. This is at least true for adults.

Granted some of us are more naïve than others maybe, I speak for myself, but let experiences become your teacher. In the last blog, I asserted become a good student of life. You do not need to have an offense take place more than once, before deciding you will no longer participate. As the famous quote by Stephen King goes “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, shame on both of us”.

In my experience, I have found that much of my wounding was self-inflicted. As an adult, I ALWAYS have the freedom to choose. We may not like the consequences of our choices, but we still get to choose how others treat us. Be willing then to face the truth and reality, no matter how uncomfortable.

So often, we fail to put up boundaries and stick with them. This has a lot to do with our fears. What do you fear will happen in upholding a boundary you care about? Maybe it’s the fear of loneliness, but I ask, would you rather keep a person in your life who has no respect for your boundaries to avoid being lonely?

Recognize what your choices reveal about you. Sometimes we assert our values through our words but our actions communicate something entirely different. This may reveal that a value we wish to assert is actually of less importance than we think it is. Or perhaps, we don’t value ourselves nearly as much as we should.

I know this because, in the past, I often vocalized my boundaries, but I had challenges in acting them out. Hence, I used to have repeated transgressions, which would usually P*** me off. I became clear about what areas I needed to work on. Now, I make it a point to not only verbally communicate my boundaries but act them out.

I have asserted that none of this work is easy, nor do you have to do it alone. I am a big advocate for prayer because I have experienced its power and magnificence. In many instances in my life, I have had to reach out to a higher power for help, which assisted my heart to see things differently.

One great lesson over the years has been, ‘hurt people, hurt others’. If you recognize that someone is hurting, it might be best to keep your distance. Not cut them off but limit interaction. Simply forgive them in your heart, recognizing that they are no different from you. You both are works in progress!

I am also a big proponent of seeking professional help. This blog is about improving yourself and not having to feel ashamed for needing help. I have grown to be ok with my imperfections, and as I have come to embrace them, I have found great strength. Self-love is more of the work we all need to do, even as cliche as it sounds.

So, as we step into the new year let us put aside time for embracing all things and make peace with them. Make peace with others and a big one, make peace with yourself! Wipe your slate clean and begin to write a different story for yourself that you can start to live out in 2021.

Be open to life’s possibilities.

Let life surprise you and surprise life in how you respond!